Sonyan White emerged from a devastating divorce with power, compassion and her ability to love intact. She found her life’s work in guiding women who want to put their divorce behind them and build the lives they were meant to live. Sonyan is a certified ‘Conscious Uncoupling’ coach for women who are contemplating, going through, or have been through a divorce. She is also certified as a ‘Calling in the One’ coach, designed for the woman who is ready to call in a man who is worthy of her love. Her promise to all her clients is simple: the best is yet to be.
What would you say to a woman who is in the midst of an agonizing divorce?
I would say, everything you are feeling is normal. If you are keying his car, cutting up his clothes, badmouthing him to the guy at the coffee shop, stalking him if he has already gone on to another woman—these are revenge behaviors and they are all normal. Divorce is devastating, even if you are choosing it. You may be trying to “get Daddy back” for your children’s sake, or you may feel as though, “I’m too old. I’m unlovable. My life is over.” These are normal thoughts. They are not true, but they are normal. If you are going a wee bit crazy, it’s not that you are weak. You’re normal. If you have the responsibility of your children, it’s a huge deal. If your emotions are out of control, this is normal.
What are the three typical responses to a divorce?
If you’re in flight mode, you’re trying to escape, pretending it’s not happening and not taking care of yourself, or you’re escaping into ice cream, the bottle, or binge shopping. These things are normal.
If you’re fight mode, you’re screaming, ranting, getting the children to side with you and oppose him, or you are making unreasonable requests with the lawyer. For example, one of my clients asked her attorney if she could get the Patek Phillipe her ex had promised her a year earlier.
If you are in freeze mode, you’re not getting out of bed, you may be eating too much, or not at all. You may believe that, “if he says that I’m this or that, and I change it, then he’ll come back.” I was that woman and my clients often behave that way. I was trying to fix myself so that I could get him back.
Why Conscious Uncoupling?
Conscious Uncoupling is a 5-step transformative journey to move you out of the emotional prison of divorce into a bigger, richer life. It works. It’s worked very successfully for thousands of women. It uses the most current research on divorce. Conscious Uncoupling moves you forward in your life because you don’t want to stay stuck. There are women who don’t get over their divorce for a decade. It’s not just about getting you through the healing process. It’s more than that; it’s transformative. Women who go through Conscious Uncoupling become the woman they were always meant to be. By the way, Conscious Uncoupling is nothing like therapy. We dip into your past only long enough to gather information, and utilize that to propel you forward.
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