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I help women get through the tough times and become decidedly single, safe, strong, and unstoppable.
Hi, I’m Sonyan and
I’m a Conscious Uncoupling Coach
—Certified by Katherine Woodward Thomas, M.A., MFT—
Sonyan White has a passionate and personalised, solution-focused approach that has made her renowned amongst clients worldwide. She has also set herself apart as the first and only Conscious Uncoupling Coach in Asia, where there is a fast-growing need.
Sonyan’s experience of going through divorce as a UK transplant in Asia has also allowed her to become a guiding light for many expats facing divorce in a foreign country away from their support network at home.
In addition to Conscious Uncoupling coaching, Sonyan is also one of only four certified High Performance coaches in Asia, a PCC and ACC Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation, a Solution Focused Master Coach, a Brief Therapy Practitioner and Chemical Engineer with a degree from Manchester University.
An Interview with Sonyan
What inspired you to become a coach?
There were actually three key events that led me to discover my precise calling as a coach:
1. When I was going through the turmoil of my own divorce, it was having a coach that changed everything for me. While my friends and my therapist were certainly there for me in many ways they couldn’t speak directly to what I really needed in order to move forward. My coach not only gave me hope and possibility for my future, more importantly she also gave me the steps to get there. The essential tools to visualize and create a different purpose for my life.
2. Having a coach not only allowed me to survive my divorce but to also thrive in my new life. My coach helped me turn my tragedy into a profound, life empowering experience and I realized that I wanted to be that guide for other women. To provide others with the practical and personable advice, the emotional support, the spiritual guidance and the positive new direction that allowed me to move forward and create a fulfilling and happy life.
“If you are scared and stuck in the midst of a painful divorce or breakup and have children that you love, then there is no better support to help you end the drama and suffering and create the life you have always envisioned for you and your family.”Sonyan
3. When I took the first step and enrolled in a coach-training workshop, I knew I had found my calling from the moment I walked in the door. When I discovered Katherine’s work on Conscious Uncoupling, I knew I had to bring it to this part of the world. The need for Conscious Uncoupling in Asia is great, yet very few coaches offer it. While I coach my clients globally, being in sync in a comfortable time zone makes it so much easier for my clients to get the most out of our coaching sessions.
What was the worst part of your own divorce?
Everything about my divorce seemed like the worst thing that could ever possibly happen to me. Words cannot describe what it is to end a 25-year relationship, a marriage, a family and an entire life built together. I not only felt the loss of all those things, I also felt like I had lost a part of myself. Not to mention the humiliation, and shame that comes with it as well. I had publicly failed as a wife.
I lost self-esteem, I lost confidence in myself and I lost trust in others. I could not make decisions well. I was also living in a foreign country and needed to learn how to handle a divorce according to different laws and away from my support system back home. All I wanted to do was hide away in a corner but I couldn’t. I had to deal with the situation, because I had children. I was racing in every direction to solve my future. My children, at the time, were also devastated. For their sake, I tried to do whatever I had to do to “get Daddy back.” And I failed.
I could not believe this was happening to me and to my family. I was traumatized. Perhaps the worst part of it was that my husband was swiftly moving on to a new life, and I was the last to know.
The only way I could make sense of the horror was to say that “Good will come from this.” And eventually it did.
What good came from your divorce?
My path out of the divorce became a spiritual path. I became a truer version of myself. I let go of things and ideas I no longer needed. I became freer from feelings of resentment, and from the shell that I lived in when I was married.
I did not want to hate him. I did not want to put a black veil over our marriage. There was so much good, so much happiness, so much beauty and yes, so much love that was created in our marriage. I did not want to destroy that. I chose to honor it.
If this was my “Dark Night of the Soul”, I had to make sure I would come through it with honor, dignity, and hope. And my ability to love intact. And my trust in my ability to form a relationship.
Conscious Uncoupling brought me out of my frozen state. Gradually, I accepted the fact that my first husband would have to remain in my life, as a co-parent. My coach gave me the words to say, and the actions to take. I wobbled at first, but I grew to navigate my new relationship with my first husband. I noticed that every time I took the high road, I felt better and the relationship opened up.
Now, my first husband and I have a collaborative, cooperative relationship. We have moved into a friendship and we are actually able to co-parent.
The divorce also catapulted me into other new areas of my life. Kicking and screaming, I admit.
I was terrified of the idea of being unmarried. I was terrified of not having someone to support me. I was terrified of managing daily life alone. Conscious Uncoupling got me through it and far beyond than what I ever thought possible.
The grief ended, and the suffering ended. I like who I am. In fact, I love who I am. This genuine happiness has come from the work I did through Conscious Uncoupling. I look forward to getting up in the morning. I love myself to an extent I would not have thought possible.
To coach other people through this journey has been a gift as profound to my heart as the gift of motherhood. It goes that deep with me.
I am meant to offer this work to the world.
What did Conscious Uncoupling do for you?
You know what? During my divorce, I faked it. I faked being happy, faked being in control, and I even faked that I wanted the divorce. I did it mostly for my kids.
I’d be so bright and happy in the morning for my children. Afterwards, when the house was quiet, I’d sit there thinking, “What the hell do I do?”
It took me a long time to find my coach. I did loads of therapy, EMDR, and tried all sorts of things but my inner despair was always there. Then I found Conscious Uncoupling and my life began to change. For the better.
I needed to learn how to manage blame, and shame, and guilt. I also needed to learn how to parent my children through this nightmare. I needed to know how to manage my emotions so that I did not transmit negativity to my children. And my children and I needed to adjust to a new relationship with their father. Conscious Uncoupling immediately helped me with all of those needs.
I discovered how to set boundaries, and what words to use with my ex.
How to change my thinking from, “I never want to see him again,” to, “How do we co-parent together?”
I had also been living in victim mode for decades. Conscious Uncoupling coaching not only brought me out of victimhood, it empowered me with a new way of being and essentially, a whole new life.
Conscious Uncoupling gave me the ability to be in a relationship with someone I could trust completely with my heart and soul. That someone was my coach. Of course it wasn’t a romantic relationship, but it was a template for how love could be, and it was the healthiest thing I could have done for myself. The deep trust, the ability to be completely open and honest, and to show parts of me that I didn’t want to show to anyone else, was miraculous. Being able to open up as my authentic self allowed me to function on a whole other level of being. I was never judged, and I was given steps to continue evolving and growing beyond my fear, guilt, shame and false beliefs. Thoughts such as “I am not worthy” were replaced with affirmations of self-worth.
But I got so much more.
I had given up. Conscious Uncoupling restored my faith in life. I now had hope and possibility, and I could look at my future. I truly loved myself again and I became excited about my new life ahead.
This is the huge difference between coaching and therapy. Conscious Uncoupling was all about my future while therapy kept me focused on the past.
It is my privilege to now give this gift to others.
What is your life like now?
During the divorce, the idea that I would ever feel happy, safe, and at peace seemed like an impossible pipe dream. But this is exactly the life I live today. I am currently building my dream home. My children are both happy and successful in university. My oldest is in a stable, loving relationship. My children have not given up on love.
And I fell in love with coaching.
I coach because I know what it means to have somebody listen with empathy. I know my clients can get through this, and that I can guide them every step of the way.
What are your qualifications?
I am proud of my qualifications. My degree in chemical engineering taught me to create systems, and to be practical. If a client of mine is predominantly a thinker, I know how to lead them to their heart.
I am a certified Conscious Uncoupling Coach. I was very passionate through the process and went as deep as I could in every area. If there were 30 books on trauma, I would read each and every one. I sat at the feet of the experts and learned from their successful modalities. When questions come in from my own clients, I have the wisdom of the elders to pass on.
I am also a certified High Performance coach, one of only four in Asia. I learned about systems for health, well-being, self-care, courage, and integrity. I love that coaching takes big concepts like courage, and translates them into practical steps for daily life.
I am a Solution Focused Master Coach. Solution Focused questioning reminds you of the brilliance of you. And the knowledge and power that you actually have, and may have forgotten.
I am also a PCC Certified Coach with the International Coaching Federation.
For a complete list of my qualifications, see the bottom of this page.
Who do you work with?
I specialize in working with divorcing women who have children. I work with women who are prepared to invest their time, their money, their energy, their heart, and their soul into their future. I work with women who will stop at nothing to take the situation and turn it around. Women who want to believe that divorce is an event in your life, not the end of your life.
I work with women who, if this was the last day of their lives, would actually say: “Being a mother was one of the most important things I ever did.” And that is why parenting their children through a divorce, matters to them. I look for women who are willing to take the high road even when it’s so damn difficult. But for the sake of their kids, they are prepared to do what is difficult to achieve the best possible outcome for everyone involved.
I work with women who are ready to say, “Let’s get real. The divorce is happening, so let’s do it right.”
How do you work?
I first work with my clients to take care of their emotional and mental health.
Step One is making sure you feel safe in your body. Making sure that you are sleeping and eating, that you are getting the right kind of support, and that you know your feelings and reactions are completely normal. And most importantly, that you know these feelings will eventually resolve and evolve to something much better.
Step Two is to sort through your emotions. To understand yourself and to prepare yourself so that you when you are triggered, you can recover quickly. To stand on your solid ground of self-awareness and preparedness so that you are not blind-sided by events and knocked down by painful triggers. Nothing is bigger than you. You can handle whatever comes your way.
Step Three is to act from this solid foundation of self. Together, we work on a number of practical issues such as: How will you co-parent? What about the money? What about the language you need to talk to him? Where will you live? How will you handle these challenges and find real solutions? How will approach your next relationship?
I won’t make any false promises and say that you will never divorce again. But by the end of our work together, you will have the skills to be happy in relationships. To be authentic, to be real, to be accountable and to attract the same. You’ll learn how adaptable to change you can be. How creative you truly are. How you can make value-based decisions. How to set boundaries. How to communicate clearly and to resolve conflicts productively. You will know how to handle things like shame, scarcity, uncertainty, and failure. You will act from an authentic place of self-awareness, acceptance, purpose and direction.
The women I work with come out of their divorce more loving, more courageous, wiser, and better than ever. But that’s getting ahead of ourselves. Right now, you just need to know how to take the next step.
Who is not a good fit for the coaching you do?
Women who don’t value love and relationships, in all forms. Who are not prepared to deal with pain and trauma. Who want to remain resentful or choose to see themselves as a victim and spend the rest of their lives talking about how “he did me wrong.”
As someone who has experienced divorce firsthand and is passionate about the process of Conscious Uncoupling, I invest all of my resources and my entire being into our coaching relationship. And I need you to match that. Even if you can’t at first, just the desire for freedom and the commitment to make that happen—however long it takes—is all you need.
What do you do when you are not coaching?
I read. I look after my two dogs and six cats. I am building my house. I love to exercise to Shaun T. I’m a Beach Body person. I love dance, I love travel, and I love to bake. I make a mean chocolate cake. I love interior design. I like cleaning out closets. Decluttering is fun. I love to read books by Pima Chodron, books on philosophy, spirituality, relationships. And I loved listening to good novels.
How do I work with you?
I work on Skype with clients all over the world. It is as simple as turning on the TV. All you need is a laptop or smart phone with a working Wi-Fi connection. If you are not familiar with Skype, send me an email and I will be happy to have my IT person set it up for you.
The Moment You Know
In bodysurfing, there is a moment when the wave takes you, and you are just tumbling, out of control, and terrified. And then there are other moments, when you actually catch the wave. Riding the wave is the most awesome feeling of being strong, powerful, and a part of something vast and connected to the universe. The wave is supporting you, and you are in sync with the flow. You know you can handle the tumbles. You’re not sitting on the beach, afraid to dip your toe in. You’re surfing the waves, taking them as they come, and feeling powerful, graceful and alive. You know you are safe in the water, and that all is well.
If you are thinking, “Yes! That’s exactly how I want to live,” then take the plunge. Start now by claiming your free 90-second quiz, “Could These 10 Questions Save Your Heart?”
But even if you are still tumbling in the waves and remain frozen with fear, reach out and take my hand. My commitment to you is to lovingly support you, every step of the way.
Trust me, the best is yet to be.
A giving and inspirational mentor, Sonyan combines powerful intuition, practicality as well as a heartfelt approach to help women get through one of the most difficult times of their life.
Book your personal “Find your Way Forward” session now
Not quite ready to book a Find Your Way Forward Session?
Not a problem! We are here for you. One simple step forward is to download our quick assessment. You can begin healing today, nonetheless, by downloading our quick assessment, ‘Could These 10 Questions Save Your Heart?’.
Completing the quiz is your first step to regaining the clarity you may feel is missing from your life right now.
You will discover the emotional, mental and physical keys you must focus on so that you can move through divorce powerfully and quickly.
You will see the areas you may need to work on first, and learn how to get the help and support that you need right now.