Nobody says “I do” believing
their marriage will end in divorce.
Has he left yet? Are you thinking of leaving him?
Or are you still numb from a divorce years ago?
How do you protect your children?
Divorce happens to the best of us, it’s happened to great people around us but we never think it’s ever going to happen to us. And now here you are. Your world has fallen apart and you’ve entered that twilight zone called “divorce.”
The dark tunnel of despair where your days are spent in a maze of chaos, confusion, anger, grief and debilitating heartache, and your nights are spent agonizing over the wreckage.
Your emotions are high, the stakes are high and your energy has hit an all time low. It would be so much easier to just go back to the way things were.
But you can’t. The marriage has already ended and there’s no turning back.
You feel lost, you don’t know how to move forward or if you will ever feel “okay” again.
These feelings won’t last forever
and you will be happy again.
Whether or not you saw it coming, it’s all happening so fast that you’re completely overwhelmed by all the drastic changes. You know you’re only making the situation worse by screaming at him, yelling at the kids, binging, overworking, over-exercising, or spending your entire days in bed. But you can’t help it. You’re likely in a state of trauma and these are all common behaviours when our brain is reacting to shock.
You aren’t alone. I’ve been exactly where you are right now.
I was blindsided when my former husband told me he wanted a divorce. It was like I had been hit by a train, buried in the wreckage and suffocated by all my emotions. I will never forget the absolute agony, the crippling pain, and the panic about my future.
At first I didn’t even accept the prospect of ending our life together and in that state of desperation, I fought to save our marriage before saving myself. I did it out of fear, out of “love” and for the sake of the kids.
But it didn’t matter what I did or why. The bottom line was that my husband of 20 years wanted a different life. In fact, he had already started living it with someone else and I was just the last person to find out.
But not only was I able to come out of that situation and end up happier than I ever was before, I’ve helped hundreds of other women in all phases of divorce to do the same. To come through the devastation, trauma and wreckage, and reclaim themselves, their life and love on their own terms. I can also help you.
This is what you must know right now.
You're not "defective" and you do not need to be fixed.
You need to be loved for the person you truly are. Don’t let anyone or the voice in your head convince you otherwise.
You may still be in the denial phase of grief.
If you’re doing everything to try to get him back, stop. It’s only pushing him away further. Stop indulging in self-sabotaging behaviours and start focusing on taking care of you.
If he’s bad-mouthing you to the kids or to your face, you must put an end to it now.
Only you can put a stop to this and you must act fast. If you can’t reason with your ex at this time, then you need to learn how to speak to your children in a way that they can understand you and without bad mouthing him.
You may have experienced profound trauma and you need guidance to get through it.
Some side effects of trauma include: Inability to cope, sleeplessness, destructive behaviors, weight loss or gain, a compromised immune system, headaches, flashbacks, obsessive thinking, emotional outbursts and being overwhelmed by anger, fear and anxiety.
Being in a state of trauma is very common with women going through a divorce but if it’s severe or lingers too long it will not only have profound long-term effects on you but your children will also suffer as well.
There is a way to get through this and actually come out stronger and happier than you’ve ever been.
This is not the end of your life and you aren’t destined to be alone. There is a way to turn this into the beginning of something much better for both you and your children. Of course you need to be loved.
And the path to finding the most profound, long-lasting love starts with loving yourself first and foremost. Self-love is the miracle that will bring you back to life and empower you to create a new life with everything you want and deserve.
“Your life-long job is not to be perfect. It’s to be your Authentic Self and to know that you are enough.”
Your next relationship (and trust me, there will be one) depends on how you come out of this one.
There are now several studies confirming that most women are in more than one long-term relationship in their lives. More importantly, research has also found that the more you understand the issues and dynamics that caused your first marriage to fail (even when you are convinced your ex was more at fault), the more likely you are to develop the skills required to have a more successful second marriage.
Your relationship with your children depends on how you come through the divorce.
It’s simple. If you’re emotionally and mentally stable, your kids will be much more stable in their lives and less likely to hold long-term resentments towards you. Think about it. How do you want your children to look back on this divorce 5 years from now and remember how you handled it? Childhood memories are hard to erase and the negative ones often affect children into adulthood.
A peaceful divorce is worth far more than winning the battles over material items and minor details.
While it’s extremely important to negotiate the best possible custody agreement and financial arrangement for you and your children, you must choose your battles wisely. Is a piece of furniture really worth a drawn out legal process or more name-calling and ill will between you and your ex? The worst thing divorcing parents can do to their children is to act like children themselves. It is crucial for you to keep this perspective right now.
We were never taught how to divorce but when it happens we need to learn fast.
A mishandled, bitter divorce is criminal to your children and can cause you unnecessary suffering through years of bad blood.
Why take on that kind of damage or waste your energy digging yourself out of a hole when you can be moving on to much better and bigger things in your new life ahead?
Trust me, I’ve been in your shoes and I know that place of pain, resentment and anger all too well. So do the hundreds of other women who have come to me for help. Divorce happens to so many people and it continues to happen every day.
But you don’t need to end up like that demographic of divorced women who waste the rest of their lives being a victim or wondering what they did wrong. It’s actually a lot easier to use this life-changing transition as your time to reclaim yourself, live your potential and rebuild your life on more solid ground.
I have coached clients through all types of heart-wrenching and difficult life-changing transitions and quickly helped them get to that essential place of peace and onto the path leading to more success and happiness than they’ve ever known.
The cure to stop obsessing about him is to start loving yourself.
My name is Sonyan White and I am a certified Conscious Uncoupling Coach that has developed the most effective, real-life approach specifically for women in the midst of a traumatic divorce or break-up. My personalised, solution focused programme speaks directly to the needs of each client and gives you a step-by-step roadmap to not only survive your divorce but also thrive on your new life path. More than just a coach, I am committed to being your trusted guide and confidant that will help you recover from the trauma, heal from the heartache, manage the real-life logistics and everything else that is holding you in the past and keeping you from a happier future. I will equip you with the life-long tools that will allow you to bring you and your family through this experience unscarred, happy, healthy and whole.
You may feel broken beyond repair and you may be in so much pain that you don’t even feel strong enough to lift yourself up from the floor right now. But what if I told you there is another reality much better than this and it’s up to you to choose? What if I could show you that this is not the end of your life but rather the beginning of a more profound journey leading to a more powerful, happier you?
All you need to do is take the first easy steps to find out…
What Are Your First Steps?
Are you ready? Let’s get you off your knees and focused forward. Most women tell me that simply knowing what first step they need to take, immediately helps them to feel more confident, more hopeful and proactive about choosing the best possible outcome for their divorce and the prospects for their new life ahead. So here you go:
Your first step is to download my free assessment:
Divorce is about you and your heart,
more than lawyers and finances.
Divorce is heartache. It involves your emotions and it affects your entire being. Your body. Your mind. Your soul.
This free assessment is for you to gauge exactly where you are right now, emotionally, physically and mentally. You can only start from where you’re at and you need an accurate point of reference to get the right roadmap and first steps to move you forward.
This quiz will only take 10 minutes of your time and will leave you feeling happier with more insight about yourself and the next steps you need to take to keep moving forward onto the best possible path for your future.
Really, what do you have to lose?
And even if I never hear from you again, which I sincerely hope not because I would love to hear from you, I want you to spend just 10 minutes doing something positive for yourself right now. Something that will help you feel a little bit of happiness, and a lot more hope for your future.
With love and gratitude,
PS. If you have an urgent issue you would like to resolve or simply need to talk to someone who understands what you’re going through right now, I would be happy to talk to you. All you need to do is to Schedule a Find Your Way Forward Session.
This is a free 30-minute coaching session that does not obligate you to me in any way and is a complimentary consultation conducted via Skype.
I will help you to determine exactly where you’re at, the immediate roadblocks standing in your way and the real-life steps for you to move forward.
“SONYAN IS AN EXCELLENT COACH
who provides focused and results oriented coaching. She was encouraging and motivated, always listening and intuitively adjusting her techniques and her style to suit my needs and requirements. … And techniques to overcome major transitions in my personal and professional life.”
—Jane H, Singapore